Ugly Things Come to Those Who Aren't Careful
by Alasse-Estel
Summary: When you catch a Fellowship, don't forget about them for a second! Or else.... A short fic!


Disclamer: I don't own any thing in this little story except Brittany, Joy and... Well I named the orcs atleast.... But their species and the fellowship is Tolkien's!  
  
"I want Frodo, Aragorn, Legolas, and Pippin." Stated the older girl, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder has she singled out the four men. "That's not fair!" Cried the younger. "You get all the handsome ones, and I get stuck with," She looked at the remainder of the fellowship. "Ug, Merry, Sam, Boromir, Gandalf, and, GROSS, Gimli?! Why do you get the nice ones?"  
  
"C'mon! There's nothing wrong with them!"  
  
"You want Gimli?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I'll trade you Boromir for Frodo!"  
  
"Boromir? Well, I don't know. Boromir might match up better with my other guys... OK!"  
  
"Well, hold on now. You give me Frodo, but he's so short! Why don't you toss in Pippin too? Make it even."  
  
"It wouldn't be even! You'ed have uhhh..." The older girl did the math in her head, "Seven guys, and I'd only have three!"  
  
"Well, you can have Gimli and Gandalf for free. Two for the price of none!"  
  
"No. Gandalf is an old fart, and Gimli smells funny."  
  
"Aww, come on! You know Legolas would hate you if you didn't get you Gimli! And I need Pippin for Merry!"  
  
"They'll live."  
  
"Please, can't I have Pippin?"  
  
"NO! He's mine! My own! My preciousssss...."  
  
"Oh come off it!"  
  
"You come off it!"  
  
"No you!"  
  
"You!"  
  
"You infinity."  
  
"You can't do that!"  
  
"Nyah nyah!"  
  
The fellowship watched the two girls argue. Aragorn and Legolas exchanged glances. They've never seen such weird beings before, and it was rather frightening, seeing them split them up like fruits. Slowly they all backed out of the small clearing where they had been amushed by these denizons of evil. As they walked backwards the sounds of the bickering girls faded. Then they turned, and ran.   
  
"Uh? Where'd they go?" The older girl, named Brittany, asked, looking around bewilderedly twenty minutes later.  
  
"Aw, man! We lost them! Groaned Joy, the younger one. "This is your fault Brittany! If you'd just taken Gandalf and Gimli, and let me have Pippin this would of never happend."  
  
"Well, don't blame me! Hush up! I think I hear them!"  
  
Brittany and Joy strained their ears, trying to pick up any fellowship type sounds.   
  
"Listen, clanking metal! Gimli's armour and Boromir's shield!"  
  
"Ooo!!! Mindless muttering! That would be Aragorn and Gandalf!"  
  
"Look Joy! Something is coming from behind that tree!'  
  
Slowly from behind the tree, and large, lurching figure appeared. Clad in black armour and a dirty leather, the figure was less then lovely too look at. And the facial features of the orc, for that is what it was, were not very pleasent to behold. Brittany and Joy stared, open mouthed. Another one, taller then the other, came from behind, and grinned a some what frightening smile.  
  
"Uh... Brittany..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"That isn't anyone from the fellowship..."  
  
"Should we run?"  
  
"Uhh... Yeah. Why not..."  
  
They ran. But the orcs, being faster, stronger and having longer legs caught them in a matter of minutes.  
  
"Lemme go! Lemme go! Help me Brittany!" Screamed Joy, with the first orc latched on her left leg. Brittany didn't answer, her mouth was covered by the second orc's grimy hand.   
  
"These'll make wounderful pets, won't they, Shardreg?" Giggled Brittany's orc. Shardreg nodded, placing his hand over Joy's mouth to quiet her shrieks. "They might be hard to house break, but it should be well worth the trouble, Kurlakh!"   
  
The orcs pulled thick cords from their packs and bound the girl's hands together. Kurlakh slung Brittany over his back and Shardreg did the same with Joy.   
  
Well, to make a long story short the orcs took them to Mordor, where they all fell madly in love with each other! Joy became Mrs. Shardreg the Wicked, and Brittany became Mrs. Kurlakh the Mauler. They all lived happily ever after until Frodo destroyed the one ring and all the orcs had trouble getting work after that, so they moved to Los Vegas where there was less racism against orcs, and then they all got jobs at casinos. So THEN they lived happily ever after, except for their unfortunate children, who were the ugliest things you'd ever seen...  
  
That was weird... 


End file.
